Prologue for your soul

My desk radiated high energy waves fueled by the perched desktop lamp above and the intimidation of failure. I will write this, said I to myself. With the keys under my nails and the Light bulb Blaring, I stroked effortlessly. No red or green underlines appeared. No suggestions for alternated words emerged.

That was because I had yet to type anything other than my name. I tap the U key so I may finished spelling the date; August 8th, 2008. The letter failed to reverberate on the screen three inches from the tip of my nose. I pressed it again. Again. Again and again. Then I became irritated. Easily, I Banged on the board, lifted the laptop, and grinned satisfyingly as it smashed against the wall opposite of me. Stupid Computer, I muttered, Fuck technology! Then I grabbed a ballpoint pen. Now I have it written.

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So I saw Belle the other day. Surrounded by her admirers, laughing over inside jokes with my cousin, and deciding which shade of blonde would be best for the underlying of her dark straight locks.

I tried not to stare from behind the counter. My previous fantasies of seeing her again would not play like this. Rewind--She walks in, sees me, but i dont see her. She looks for a long time, forgetting why she came here in the first place. I'm behind the counter laughing and smiling genuinely at a joke a customer tells me as i bag their milk. She grins beside herself. She takes a step foreward and i notice her. We stare, and i forget that there are people in line. She still has her smile on. I dont know if I'm to take it as a peace offering or not.

"Can you help me find something?" she asks. Of course i can. I've only worked here since November. She probably doesnt remember that, i think, she probably tries to forget.

As i lead her down Aisle 7, she stops me by putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry" she whispers. I begind to cry. We embrace...and all is good again---

Okay, no that's not what really happened. Rewind again: I heard a bunch of loud girls walk in before i saw them. I was putting things away during another dull and boring shift. The group includes Lucy, my cousin, and a couple other girls who i've heard of but i dont know. They immediatly run over and seem almost too happy to see me. They redirect me down another aisle and chat. That's when i see her but her back is turned to me. It's Belle. Down Aisle 8. Looking at hair dye and my heart stops. literally. I take in a breathe and i feel faint. But then Lucy says something that makes me laugh. Kaleigh honks my nose and it's like that girl is just another customer. I think of Anna instead. What would she do? She would probably just ignore her, not even bother pretending to be nice or care. If Belle had done all that shit to Anna, she would have won the arguement a long time ago, and not still think about it to this day. She would be able to move on in her life more than i can. My thoughts filled with Anna and how she actually liked me for me, consumed me. And when i saw Belle, i shook my head. Cause she wasn't the same girl my fantasies had pictured and tortured me over since march, or April; the last time i saw her. She was too different. I used to see her as the brightest face in the crowd, how could someone not see her beauty? But now i know. I look at her like i would with any other customer. Plain, boring, anti-exotic. Not like Anna. "Do u have a CVS card?" i ask and that's that. I only make one mistake. I notice she's using a credit card. She never used to have one of those. So i see her face and it looks exhausted. literally. Bags under the eyes and all. Does she have a job now?

"How's being captain?" i casually question. I am completely ignored and she walks out the store flanked by the friends i used to share with her and an air of confidence i only ever saw in one other person; Anna.

So there was no huge apology. Nothing. No reunion of tears. But i dont want that anymore. Honestly, i just want her to go away. Or i'll go away. My five week repreive in Chicago was the best thing in the world for me.

It tested my relationship with Paul. It showed me who my true friends were, what my abilities were, where my talent lies, and what other kinds of people there are to befriend outside of orlando. I met some amazing people; Two in particular I will never forget. And one of them i shall add to my "People Who Truly changed my life" list. Oh boy, what an honor that is. She would probably laugh if i told her that. Shit, i'm laughing now about how stupid it sounds.

Quite frankly, there are only three people who have impact on my life and changed everything i once did. Nick, Krystal, and Anna. The End.