toybox

I am wearing our chain, like the one you won't. Mine says Friends, I imagine yours says Best, though I havent seen it much. How fitting for you to be on the cover, with your knee-highs and hair. Your skirt is too short, and your shirt is too small, and you hate those people you're with. But Bishop Moore fucked me over, and kiddo, so did you.

SwedeMstr: ...will you talk to me?

i moinsdetrois u: now that youve woken me up i guess i have no choice

SwedeMstr: i didnt mean to wake you up. im sorry.

i moinsdetrois u: yeah. what do you want?

SwedeMstr: i wanted to know if we're still friends. i know your mad and stuff but ppl
have been saying a lot. i need to know if its true.

i moinsdetrois u: yes it all true.

i moinsdetrois u: i cant have friends

SwedeMstr: why the hell not. and why just me? your still friends with lucy and Jessie

i moinsdetrois u: barely.

SwedeMstr: why cant you have friends krystal

i moinsdetrois u: i can but i need different ones

i moinsdetrois u: because i cant ruin my life for being an accomplice

SwedeMstr: so its because of all this crap? your gonna let everything we've been through go because we made a few mistakes? krystal, this is all gonna pass

i moinsdetrois u: but ive learned a lot from this

i moinsdetrois u: and things may pass but everything changes

SwedeMstr: not if you dont let it. please think krystal! we need you! i need you! dont make a chocie like this

i moinsdetrois u: i cant. i already have. its for the best. youll realize it one day.

SwedeMstr: you cant do this krystal. you need us. and we need you. especially me. your gonna let the school and other ppl tell you that your friends are brining you down? your better than this.

SwedeMstr: and your an amazing friend and an amazing person. dont just walk away.

i moinsdetrois u: i cant deal with this.

SwedeMstr: with what? all the drama and shit?

i moinsdetrois u: yes

SwedeMstr: i know. and i know i bring it. and im stopping. if you'll just wait til all this shit blows over---you'll see. your not the only one changing from all this.

SwedeMstr: i know you dont think so---but everythings going to be okay. and itll hurt you more if you leave us.

i moinsdetrois u: no it wont.

i moinsdetrois u: i was fine before.

i moinsdetrois u: ill be fine again.

SwedeMstr: i know. But

SwedeMstr: didnt you like being with us?

i moinsdetrois u: we gain and lose fiendships and we become better people along the way and laern

SwedeMstr: with me?

i moinsdetrois u: none of it matters. that was then this is now.

SwedeMstr: you cant just decide to lose a friendship. why dont you give it another chance?

i moinsdetrois u: because ive givin it sooo many chances

SwedeMstr: i know. and i know you dont like to give out a lot of chances but please krystal dont do this. you dont understand how youll be hurting everyone. and me. and lucy and jessie. we love you to death. and were not ready to let you go because your amazing. and maybe you need to hear that more.

SwedeMstr: im not ready to let you go. please dont make me. youre the best friend ive ever had. the only person in the whole fuckin world. please dont completely walk out of my life.

i moinsdetrois u: i have to. ive told you before.,

i moinsdetrois u: i cnat take this anymore.

i moinsdetrois u: stop making it harder than it needs to be

SwedeMstr: im making it harder because i cant do this without you.

i moinsdetrois u: you have lucy and jessie and lindsey

SwedeMstr: but they're not my best friend. you are. and you always will be. krystal---just one more chance. wait until this week is over before you do something like this.

SwedeMstr: didnt i matter to you? i thought i was your best friend, too.

i moinsdetrois u: would you just fucking stop this

i moinsdetrois u: what part of i cant take this anymore do you not get?

SwedeMstr: im trying to make it better. because i dont want to fight with you but i still want you there. after everything e've ever been through you can at least talk to me now.

i moinsdetrois u: sometimes you need to just leave well enough alone.

SwedeMstr: im not leaving this alone because your making a huge mistake. you havent even thought of what this is doing to me. of what you leaving will do. i cant imagine not having you as my best friend---but you've already gone and decided that you want new friends. i thought i wanted that, too, but then i realized that this is all worth it.

SwedeMstr: what we have with lucy and jessie, youre not going to find again

SwedeMstr: so dont just let it go.

SwedeMstr: please. just think about all of this again. the fighting sucks, i know, and the drama and all of this. its hard ot deal with. and you were never one for arguing.

SwedeMstr: so i'll stop if you'll just stay. i wont fight with you anymore. or get upset. or let myself be hurt or anything

SwedeMstr: just please

SwedeMstr: please dont do this

i moinsdetrois u: its not worth it. people dont change.

SwedeMstr: people change if they want to. you said it yourself.

SwedeMstr: and i dont want you to go. i want to change if it'll keep you around.

i moinsdetrois u: it wont.

SwedeMstr: then what will? krystal dont do this to me.

i moinsdetrois u: you should never want to change yourself for someone else. you sould want to change yourself for yourself.

SwedeMstr: listen. i want to change because im sick of getting hurt over dumb shit. and im sick of having a relationship with my best friend where i treat her like a girlfriend or something. so i already told myself im changing. now im telling you. so dont think its all you. i want to change cause i dont like the person ive become. and i know you dont either.

SwedeMstr: and im so fucking sorry. i rlly am. i just dont want you to leave me krystal. i need you. and i always have and will. all of us do.

i moinsdetrois u: look. i dont have a choice. okay. so just leave it alone.

SwedeMstr: why dont you have a choice

SwedeMstr: and im not leaving it alone.

SwedeMstr: dont tell me you dont wanna be friends and expect me just to take it.

SwedeMstr: fr the last fucking time---just talk to me about it.

i moinsdetrois u: and for the last time i cant just talk to you about it

SwedeMstr: why not

SwedeMstr: i mean the last time as in "the last time we'll talk if you have your way" btw.

SwedeMstr: but why the hell not. you used to talk to me about everything.

i moinsdetrois u: god damnit just leave me alone.

SwedeMstr: why cant u just explain this.

SwedeMstr: just let me talk to you.

SwedeMstr: your saying you dont wanna be friends anymore. do you even get what your telling me?

SwedeMstr: or are u just gonna sign off or whatever cause you have no reason for doing this!

i moinsdetrois u: no. actually im mentally retarted and dont comprehend a thing. thank you.

SwedeMstr: you know i didnt mean i like that.

SwedeMstr: i just wish you didnt tell me to leave alone. this is the last time i'll ever
bother you if you'll just carry on a conversation and not tell me to fuck off or whatever.

i moinsdetrois u: shouldnt wish so hard.

SwedeMstr: why are being like this

i moinsdetrois u: because i dont speak impulsively. i mean what i say.

i moinsdetrois u: i dont change my mind with sleep.

SwedeMstr: was our entire friendship absolutely nothing to you?

i moinsdetrois u: it was good then. but has lost its value

SwedeMstr: how

SwedeMstr: so i was just a value to you?

SwedeMstr: krystal that was the best thing in my life for awhile.

SwedeMstr: i was nothing to you. thats what your saying.

SwedeMstr: i was just another person.

i moinsdetrois u: you need to stop being so godamn dramatic and only hearing what you want to hear.

SwedeMstr: okay so im dramatic. im sorry. im trying to change things. but i cant do it alone. and i fucking need you. dont you understand that? when my parents are arguing ro im alone with my stepdad--im not being dramatic. and thats when i need you.

SwedeMstr: you dont need me but cant you understand at all how much you mean to me. i clearly dont mean shit to you or you wouldnt be saying all this horrible stuff or doing something so stupid.

SwedeMstr: we have a great friendship. why isnt it worth enough to you to make it better?

i moinsdetrois u: you need to think about the bigger picture. not just the now but the future.

i moinsdetrois u: its better this way.

SwedeMstr: i saw you in my future. as my best friend.

SwedeMstr: answer my questions!

SwedeMstr: tell me that you completely understand that you leaving is going to kill me but your still going to do it.

SwedeMstr: you always said that your not going to leave like Kyla did.

SwedeMstr: you said you would always be there for me

SwedeMstr: and i believe that.

SwedeMstr: dont do this right now krystal.

SwedeMstr: at least wait until all this trouble stuff blows over.

SwedeMstr: give it one more chance.

SwedeMstr: thats all im asking.

i moinsdetrois u: im sick of giving people more chances to fuck me over.

i moinsdetrois u: im done cant you understand that.

SwedeMstr: im not going to fuck you over!

i moinsdetrois u: no more chances. done.

SwedeMstr: and no you cant be done.

i moinsdetrois u: yeah i can

SwedeMstr: i was your best friend---doesnt that count for anything?

SwedeMstr: why are you so finished with everything?

i moinsdetrois u: because thats the only way things will get better.

SwedeMstr: how

i moinsdetrois u: i have to start over.

SwedeMstr: how the fuck do u think things will get better?

i moinsdetrois u: regain trusts ive lost.

SwedeMstr: what are you talking about

i moinsdetrois u: its called thinging about situations and not acting on impulses.

SwedeMstr: what trusts ahve u lost that you need to regain

SwedeMstr: your moms?

i moinsdetrois u: everyones trust.

SwedeMstr: like who?

i moinsdetrois u: my mom, the schools, band moms, and my dads ... the hardest trusts to lose at all.

SwedeMstr: listen to me. everyone is doing that. we all have to do that. its not just you. i have to get back a lot that ive lost because of all this. but no one else is willing to let such a great thing we all had go. you can still do that with me and lucy and jessie. because all of us have outgrown this "bad girl" shit.

SwedeMstr: thats all voer with. none of us are smoking, drinking, or anything anymore.

SwedeMstr: so we wouldnt stop you or pressure you or anything

SwedeMstr: just a normal friendship

SwedeMstr: like it used to be

SwedeMstr: cant you just forget this happened and try to get back to normal
.
i moinsdetrois u: when are you gunna realize that nothings going to change my decision.

SwedeMstr: im haing a hard time with that.

SwedeMstr: im so sorry.

SwedeMstr: but you were my best friend

SwedeMstr: ad im not letting you go.

SwedeMstr: dont make me do that.

i moinsdetrois u: your just making things harder on yourself

SwedeMstr: no you are! you havent thought for one fucking second have you?

SwedeMstr: about what thisll do to me?

SwedeMstr: the affects or anything?

SwedeMstr: do you even care?

SwedeMstr: has a single thought said "wow. mariahs rlly taking yhis hard" or anything?

i moinsdetrois u: FUCK YOU! IVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF FUCKING THINKING. THATS ALL I DO. DONT YOU DARE FUCKING TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.

i moinsdetrois u: sorry ive been busy trying to sort out all my problems.

SwedeMstr: okay. you like to handle your own problems. i know. im accepting that.

SwedeMstr: im sorry. but i cant do that. i need you krystal. doesnt that matter to you at all?

i moinsdetrois u: sure. but i cant do this.

i moinsdetrois u: i dont know how many times i have to say that to let it sink in.

SwedeMstr: it'll never sink in. because no matter what you'll always be my best friend. even if you dont wanna be. dont you love me? im not talking romantically.

i moinsdetrois u: leave me alone.

SwedeMstr: please no krystal.

i moinsdetrois u: ive told you a million times.

SwedeMstr: answer it.

i moinsdetrois u: stop being so god damn dramatic.

SwedeMstr: im not being dramatic

SwedeMstr: i want to fucking know if u care.

SwedeMstr: because your fucking killing me.

i moinsdetrois u: fine then no i don’t

SwedeMstr: you really don’t

SwedeMstr: i dont think you mean that. and i think your doing this to yourself because you think you have to. and even if you regret it---youll stick to you cause you have to.

SwedeMstr: but i dont want that to happen. if you rlly dont love me or care at all---then what has the past year been?

i moinsdetrois u: i do have to.

SwedeMstr: why do you have to?

i moinsdetrois u: i have my reasons

SwedeMstr: can you please for old times sake...just tell me what they are. i would rlly appreciate that.

i moinsdetrois u: no

i moinsdetrois u: im going to bed.

i moinsdetrois u: leave me alone

SwedeMstr: fine but if you come back...i'll let you. and im not letting you go.

i moinsdetrois u: whatever.